Friday, April 27, 2012

Poetic License Horoscope for April 27-May 3


Poetic License Horoscope for April  27-May 3


Taurus (April 19-May 18): Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely places—people you may have underestimated, recurring fortune cookie slips, episodes of sitcoms. Go ahead and let it all help you, it’s okay.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): When you are Sally Draper, you’ll accept advice from just about anyone, even your creepy pill-popping step-grandmother. Lucky for you, you are not Sally Draper. Feel free to rely only on reliable voices.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): “I don’t know why/ there is an ocean/ in my chest or how/ I am supposed to/ carry it/ without spilling it out/ all over the place.” (Daniel McGinn) Dear friend, I think there’s some advice here about tides.


Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): When you are owed an apology, learn not to comfort the apologizer. Likewise, learn to accept (not argue with) compliments. There’s nothing you need to do to improve yourself right now. No steps need to be taken.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  "So take what you can from your experiences of heartbreak, yes. But be careful not to take too much, or you’ll wind up letting it define you. Don’t create new generalized fears that make it hard to hear your intuition—and hard to find the love you want and deserve.” (Jaclyn Friedman, What You Really, Really Want)

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): You are so kind that you’ll comfort a friend even when your troubles are much deeper. You’re a generous angel like that, thanks!

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It’s time to think about clothing optional beaches! Even if you’re not as much of an exhibitionist as the stars are, think of other sunny ways to safely bare yourself. And don’t forget the sunscreen!

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Find someone you love and turn off the television with him or her. Don’t worry, the stars still looooove the television, we just think maybe you should see what else you might use that couch for.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Yesterday I was watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother wherein Ted saves a man’s life by being an “I love you” slut. He says it to a man who’d been about to commit suicide, and it turns the guy’s life around. You may not achieve such dramatic results, but be an “I love you” slut anyway.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Everyone you touch has a million layers. You’ve long since given up the idea that a human being can be a simple distraction, a vacation from your own life. Settle into the layers and make a mess.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Find someone to be a beginner with, it’s such a comfort. Get yourself some good awkward, some nice fumbling, and settle into it like blankets.

Aries (March 21-April 18): The Zone of Proximal Development is an educational concept that means the space between something being too easy to be challenging and being too frustrating to learn. Find your own Zone of Proximal Development. Go ahead, open your eyes and soak up knowledge.


Friday, April 20, 2012

Poetic License Horoscope for April 20-26


Taurus (April 19-May 18): Stop. Take note of everything you’ve learned so far. Take a deep breath and a few days to let it all sink in. You’ve come so far.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Be vulnerable and ask for your desires. There are only two ways it can go…and never asking ensures only one.” (Aiden Fyre) Sometimes, though, you don’t know what to ask for until it feels too late. That’s okay, you’ll know what to ask for next time!

Cancer (June 22-July 23): May your National Poetry Month continue to be prolific—mine your inner wishes, your big leaky mansion of a heart, your pesky childhood. Use everything that isn’t nailed down, then pry up that stuff too.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23):  As much as you might like to avoid logical fallacies, sometimes they are too tempting. Likewise for hyperbole and over-generalizations. Just let ‘em go this week. Indulge.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “My heart is a worthy vessel. It carries riches from my living adventures. It carries room enough for other riches to be gathered.” (Julia Cameron) You may be tempted to curl up into a ball, wrap yourself in a blanket, and hide, but there are so many more treasures to be had. Go get them.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): I’m still sending you visions of rest: pillow mountains floating with dreamy feathers. Soundproof rooms made of flannel and chocolate. Meadows of sugar butterflies, a sweet and hopeful peace.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): You are such a good sport, keep it up. Your loyalty, open-mindedness, and flexibility will keep paying off in unexpected ways.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Make the world a safe place. You can do this by consistently honoring your boundaries, treating people kindly but not at your own expense, and finding out just exactly what it is you want.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): There’s such a thing as too many vitamins. This week, minimize the number of ways in which you try to be virtuous for its own sake—that’s a total waste of energy.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): To the Aquarius who ended up being my crash course: Thank you. It’s unfortunate that painful lessons often come by way of people I adore. Thank you for making that sacrifice. You are more than kind. (Confidential to H and H: a job, a home, and every other wish are on the way. Just keep trying. XO, The Stars)

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Believe all of the best stories about yourself. Take the best possible interpretation of any given comment. That’s probably what they really meant!

Aries (March 21-April 18): You have so much to look forward to: lilacs, wisteria, long walks in the spring woods. You’re like the smell of the air when the leaves come in.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Poetic License Horoscope for April 13-19

Poetic License Horoscope for April 13-19


Aries (March 21-April 18): Happy Birthday to my dad, the standup comedian. In one of his jokes, he points out that no matter how much you mess up in traffic, you just do a little apologetic wave. He feels that you should be able to use the little wave in other parts of life as well. This week, wave off all of your mistakes and drive on.


Taurus (April 19-May 18): “This is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you, and from above you how I sank into your soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go.” (Neutral Milk Hotel) Let someone get to know you THAT well, even if it’s messy.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Keep plugging away. / Keep on truckin'. / Keep the faith in a tiny glass jar and only unscrew the lid when you're feeling doll-sized. You can do this/ it/ anything.” (Rob Sturma)


Cancer (June 22-July 23): Whatever you’ve lost, it’s okay. Let it go. Soon enough, you’ll be collecting love like a wildflower bouquet. So many different kinds of wild love.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): On Easter, my wife and I had every intention of going on a nature walk. But when we got to the park, the sun was so appealing and we felt so relaxed that we took a nature nap instead, right there by the birdfeeders. Do the same for yourself, soak up the sun.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “All images are shadows you did cast. They will/ gladly surrender their identity and reveal their/ potential the way a piece of paper would if it ever/ made love to a flame.” (Hafiz) I have to promise you again that the closeness and fire you’ve been looking for are coming.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra whose life seems very complicated right now—I hope you can find time to sit with yourself and breathe and paint. The bright colors at the center of you are always there, even when life is just swirling around you.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who has a first date tonight: may she get your geeky references. May she love standing next to your warmth. May she have an open mind and a semi-extroverted heart, May she be all full of your happiness.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Strip all the stereotypes away and see things as they are, in all of their gunked-up glory. Don’t just see the pretty things you hope for, love the whole messy truth.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): It may seem sometimes like there isn’t a safe place for you in the world, but there is. Put in earplugs and wrap yourself up in a blanket. In the quiet, let all of your daydreams unspool.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): It’s time to rethink your barriers, whatever tides you try to stem, what griefs you are trying to escape from. It’s time to jump into the current and swim, even if you have to swim a little while with tears.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Sometimes the best way to feel good is to do your homework. Revel in note taking, in filling out forms, in planning your presentations. Your brain will feel giddy with appreciation and use.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Poetic License Horoscope for April 6-12



Aries (March 21-April 18): Buyers of romance novels purchase an average of fifty books per year, and those are pretty much all the same story. You’re a better and more original romantic, with at least fifty new stories per day.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “People want to see their genitals on your face.” (Megan Andelloux, founder and director The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) And while you’re at it, look ‘em in the eye.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “If you were to draw me in a comic book, / I would have a collar around my neck/ and the leash attached would be held by my heart. / It'd be a cartoony heart, more like a valentine/ and less like a fist.” (Rob Sturma)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Give up trying to keep up your correspondence and tell everyone to come visit you. That way, you’ll have a new bombshell or bearded stranger for every day of the week. Leave room for the stars on your dance card!

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Let us now praise introverts, sit down and talk to them one-on-one, leave spaces for them to get their words in and/or, even better, give them the house to themselves.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “I had a legitimate excuse for not going to the/ mosque or temple to pray. / It was because love is so wild in me I might/ break the fragile glass cage that all/ religions are made of.” (Hafiz)

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): The Universe is looking out for you and yours, I promise. Look at the flowers on the trees. Look at your beautiful body. Listen to the sweet hum of your caretaking heart.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): The stars hope you can take a day off work soon, sleep in with someone nice (Maybe yourself. Maybe the cats. Maybe a busty redhead who’s feeling experimental.) and take full advantage of spring fever.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): This week, pretend you are Reid Mihalko, inventor of the cuddle party. Fill every room with warmth. Dispense hugs generously. But still, make space for yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): On a panel about feminist porn, star and producer Tina Horn said “When people are given the freedom to do what they want, they do the nastiest shit I have ever seen.” Do whatever your empowered body tells you to, up to and including taking a nice nap.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Even if you are not in a position to light pretty flames in your hands and blow them out, you’ll find the warmth you need. When things are off-kilter, think of the comfortable distractions ready to run into your arms.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Mike Daisy may have fabricated parts of his story about Apple in China, but one thing is still for sure: nearly everything is made by hand. Think of that and feel connected.