This post owes a lot to my favorite piece of street art from the DC Women's March (below) and to Elizabeth Gilbert, Gretchen Rubin, and Elizabeth Craft, whose podcasts Magic Lessons and Happier have been steering me back toward my happiness wheelhouse these past few weeks.
Last
Monday in therapy, I got to a breakthrough point that was as relieving as an
exhale. Closing a volume on a particularly ensnaring story, I felt space open
up around me in a way that I haven’t felt in years. The urgency, defensiveness,
and vigilance that has always fueled/plagued my life has, for the moment,
receded.
Friday
afternoon, just before being let out of a phone session early (Because of
happiness!) I told my wonderful therapist (SERIOUSLY. Call Women Organized
Against Rape if you need help even a little. (215) 985-3333. https://www.woar.org/
) that in order to preserve this lovely margin that has opened up for me, I
want to make my life as soft as possible, to give myself every advantage over
the harshness that is unavoidable both in my head and in the world. Here’s what
I have so far, in no particular order:
1. Be
imperfect.
2. Just
sit for a minute.
3. Take
pictures of flowers and other beautiful things.
4. Think
about chakras.
5. Plant
things and see if they grow.
6. Read
chick-lit books and pretty magazines.
7. Read
in bed.
8. Sit
in the park.
9. Treat
the neighborhood mini-libraries as oracles.
10. Write
whenever and whatever I want.
11. Build
up my money cushion.
12. Read
children’s books, especially biographies of cool-as-heck ladies.
13. Keep
Hillary in my heart.
14. Do
yoga at home and in classes.
15. Leave
places whenever I want and then
16. Go
back whenever I’m ready.
17. Never
have a classroom again.
18. Call
a hotline whenever I need it even a little bit.
Women Organized Against Rape: (215) 985-3333
William Way LGBT Community Center Peer Counselling:
(215) 732- 8255
19. Always
have a therapist.
20. Keep
taking Prozac.
21. Give
others margins too--be slower to judgement.
22. Learn
to distinguish between microaggressions and annoyances and then
23. Push
back as often as needed.
24. Block
any number I want to, for any reason.
25. Date
in real life, not online.
26. Expect
softness from partners, and give it.
27. Continue
to not watch Twin Peaks. Fuck off,
Dead Girl Town!
28. Sleep
in.
29. Go
to bed early.
30. Go
back to bed.
31. Take
naps.
32. Keep
being addicted to Insight Timer and sending strangers around the world “Thanks
for meditating with me” messages.
33. Keep
loving Yoga Nidra and other guided meditations.
34. Keep
swimming.
35. Keep
getting on the elliptical, even if it means sometimes having to watch the news.
36. Be
late for stuff.
37. Or
be early.
38. Earn
the amount I deserve to, which is at least $50 an hour for tutoring and
creative coaching.
39. Keep
having jobs that allow me to regularly stop and put cash in the bank, I’ve
loved that feeling since my waitress days.
40. Look
at baby animals.
41. Walk
in the woods and around my magical neighborhood (which has woods too).
42. See
my niece and nephews.
43. See
my siblings.
44. Go
to the beach, alone or with family.
45. Get
haircuts.
46. Get
my car washed.
47. Canvass
for candidates I believe in.
48. Donate
to good causes whenever I can.
49. Call
the government a few days a week. (Daily
Action and ResistBot really help with this!)
50. Get
in marches, protests, and demonstrations whenever I want to.
51. Make,
enjoy, and photograph street art.
52. Use
my art museum membership.
53. Draw.
54. Paint.
55. Collage.
56. Color.
57. Bake.
58. Make
soup.
59. Have
breakfast for dinner.
60. Look
at gemstones.
61. Visit
the Hope Diamond, which I think is the most existing thing I’ve ever seen.
62. Learn
the names of birds, butterflies, flowers.
63. Read
Rumi every day.
64. Listen
to happy podcasts! (Right now I’m bingeing Magic
Lessons.)
65. Write
a haiku sometimes.
66. Wash
the dishes and do the laundry.
67. Enjoy
my time working in the bookstore with Amy.
68. Buy
one feminist book per month.
69. Watch
movies.
70. Accept
invitations but
71. Cancel
plans whenever I need to.
72. Ditto
for calling in sick.
73. Keep
fresh flowers in the house.
74. Send
mail.
75. List
gratitudes and accomplishments daily.
76. Say
thank you, I love you, and I’m sorry easily.
77. Be
a guest house for emotions and other things recommended by Rumi.
78. Go
on mini-artist-dates whenever I get a little pocket or time.
79. Or
do nothing.
80. Always
be doing The Artist’s Way.
81. Do
self-help books, or “emotional sudoku” as Maria Bamford calls them.
82. Watch,
read, and listen to funny ladies. (And, okay, other funny folks too.)
83. Honor
my sacred alone times: Fridays after yoga, Sunday morning swimming, whatever
else comes along.
84. Make
alone time on family visits.
85. Always
have good candles, notebooks, incense, and meditation stones.
86. Goof
around in thrift stores.
87. Drink
wine and watch Steven Universe.
88. Believe
that the Universe loves me and wants to shower me with gifts, blessings, and
synchronicities.
89. Admit
to being a romantic.
90. Have
pretty clothes.
91. Say
yes to free stuff.
92. Keep
umbrellas, headphones, lipstick, cardigans, and chargers EVERYWHERE.
93. Increase
my IRA deposit whenever I can.
94. Turn
off the phone.
95. Or
just go ahead and scroll through Instagram.
96. Play
games.
97. Watch
sitcoms.
98. Notice
and enjoy silence.
99. Celebrate
having a body.
100. Say no to things I don’t like.
101. Allow for the possibility of grey areas.
102. Assume good intentions.
103. Use and celebrate my voice.
104. Treat everyone, especially myself, as if
we were The Prodigal Son/Daughter/Non-Binary Child.
105. Look at collections, varieties, arrays.
106. Enjoy my friends.
107. Have some tea.
108. Believe fortune cookies, encouraging tea bags,
and other messages from the Great Whatever.
109. Keep a stock of tea lites.
110. Notice magic every day.
111. My neighbor once told me that “Living in a
community is a constant state of forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
112. Put loving myself first, always.
What are your ways? ❤ ❤ ❤
