Friday, January 7, 2011

Poetic License Horoscope for January 7-13


Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Inventory your coffee cups. Count house cleanings like a year-long Advent calendar. Evaluate the necessity of every scarf, hat, and necklace. Visit your local thrift stores like a January Santa.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Declare all 2010 complaints complete. Unsubscribe to your grudges, put salve on your scars. Be ready for more loves and more exquisite disappointments.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): One word of advice for you this week: Pillows.

Aries (March 21-April 18): In the words of Hafiz:
Now
That
All your worry
Has proved such an
Unlucrative
Business,
Why
Not
Find a better
Job.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): The Maven of Emotional Awesome, Jen “Flash” Andrews of Too Beautiful to Live has the most lovable New Year’s Resolution: Give yourself and others a break. Don’t lay awake worrying about spilt words or misspent kitchen table diatribes.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): I spent New Year’s Eve at my Aunt Patti’s house getting pretty drunk with my brother and my cousins and my cousins’ friends. I played my first game of Flip Cup (with chardonnay!) at 36. I wasn’t good at it. Do something rewardingly foolish—let yourself off the leash a little.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Take a break. Everything doesn’t have to be written today, even if it seems that way. To paraphrase LCD Soundsystem’s spoken word/workout tune Pow Pow Pow: (No need to keep) “Coming back, coming back, coming back
Until there's nothing left in the well. Is that what they call it, the well?”

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): My lovely Leo wife has decided to split the year into 52 mini-projects, and I can’t wait to see what she comes up with. What can you make in a week? Is it beautiful?

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): I spent a pretty big chunk of my Christmas vacation watching episodes of Ally McBeal. It’s so romantic; it’s like the How I Met Your Mother of its time. Walk home from work in soft focus, with dreamy/feminist Nineties music for your guide.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Irony is so last year. See how much sincerity you can get away with.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Bring last year’s photos into the physical realm. Frame something optimistic. Spread all the pictures out like Tarot cards and read the future—you’ll like what you see.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Leave all of your self help books on someone else’s doorstep, like so many paperback orphans. It turns out you’re perfect.

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