Thursday, May 26, 2011

Triads and Quadrangles: We Don't Like Twilight But...

Before I get into today's triad, here's an update on where I am with the poly research project: whether or not I end up concluding this research in Monogamytown (population, me and the best wife ever!), I want to make sure I'm always around poly people a lot. Being around people who are deliberately generous with their hearts is so comforting to me--it's nice to not feel like a freak or a slut or a threat to family, etc, just understood for my pure lovey-dovey intentions. Even poly friends I barely know have shown me so much loyalty and empathy this week. I can't thank them enough.

Anyway, so, Hannah McDonald and I don't like Twilight, but I do enjoy the solution she proposes here! 

show details 11:59 AM (20 hours ago)
A Study in Sparkly Vampire/Werewolf Geometry

Shame on you, Bella Swan.
Once again, you are a female literary protagonist
Unable to become the heroine because you can't save yourself
From your possible desires for two men.
Oh the teen angsty conflict!
Oh how we love to blame the triangle as the most evil of shapes!

But you, Bella Swan, you should know better.
You have grown up in the Pacific Northwest,
Home to the leftiest lefties who have ever staged a protest,
A love-in, a fetish carnival dungeon, a grunge-house mash-up dance party night.
You are in the hotbed of polyamory, where triads of lovers
Live in hippie harmony all over Seattle, and Portland, and the suburbs.
And you still want to blame the triangle for your boy problems.

Well honey, a triangle has three parts, and they are all connected.
What is stopping you from stealing chaste daywalker kisses behind the bleachers
And getting big, sloppy werewolf licks in the back of the movie theater after school?
You can send flirtatious texts to two boys at once, you know.
Maybe Bat-brain and Wolfie would like to kick back on Thirsty Thursday together.
(Do they ship TruBlood to Washington State?)
If this three-sided love is as connected as it should be,
Your supernatural gentlemen will be swapping spit, pausing to discuss the merits
Of your chestnut hair and your ability to be vulnerable for hours on end.

Really, think about it, girlfriend.
What is a polygon?
Traditionally a plane figure that is bounded by a closed path,
Composed of a finite sequence of straight line segments.
Your path is already chosen.
This triangle is closed.
Why not buy a house with room for three, a double master suite?
The sleep schedule would be easy enough to arrange,
At least twice a month.
You avoid the werewolf around the time of the full moon.
You avoid the vampire around the time of your period.
If you're really unlucky, they'll both be the same week.
If this relationship is a true triangle,
You will walk in on them,
In flagrante delicto.
You will just blush and go sleep in the other room.
Maybe you will join in.
These are the choices that should be up to you, Bella.

I wish your problems could be more interesting to me
As a reader of your life's story.
Your boy problems make me yawn, and if you'd ever want to talk,
Well, my love life is arranged as an open 'V',
Maybe with an extra spoke here and there.

If you are feeling so torn about Team Edward or Team Jacob,
Here's my advice:
Ditch your drama.  Stop trying to jump off cliffs.
Pack them up.  Move to Seattle.
Paint.  Make music.  Write poetry.  Love freely, and learn about yourself.
In your next book, be a heroine with uncompromising views.

Bio:  Hannah McDonald has recently been crowned the second most emo poet in Philadelphia.  When she is not weeping over bittersweetly optimistic Rilo Kiley tunes, Hannah is the Hot [Feminist] Secretary of The Fuze Poetry Slam in Philly.  She is a fiction editor for online literary magazine The Furnace Review, and her work has appeared in The LegendaryApiary, and Dreamstreets.  Additionally, she looks at the bright side of chronic illness drudgery at  Chances are, if you are reading this she thinks you are cute and would like you to join her polyamorous, kink-friendly, sex-positive, gender neutral and trans-appreciative commune, even if this commune is totally imaginary.  She has a big imagination.  

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