Gemini (May 19-June 21): You are a matchbox marked “Wishes.” Strike them one at a time and light up everything. Husband the flames into spells that start everything over.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): You’re like the video of my nephew doing the robot—all the joy ever, compressed into about 11 seconds. Also, there seems to be some kind of “shorty fire” that is, in fact, burning on the dance floor.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Not everything you plan has to go perfectly, but the car is air-conditioned, and you have so many songs about ambivalence and so many miles to share with the imperfect person who just wants to know all your secrets.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “Nothing is more important, to people, than realizing they should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race around the supermarket and steal Mars bars and kiss kittens.” --Morrissey
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): This week at my after school program, (Yes, stars can totally work in an after-school program.) we wrote “I Am” poems. One little girl said she was a “true ladybug” and another said she was “a blue sky” and also “a project.” (I hear ya, sister!) More than one kid asserted that they were not, in fact, haters. I hung the poems side by side with their self-portraits, and I have to say, they were totally right.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Watching back episodes of The L Word is very stressful sometimes. The entire plot is driven by the idea that jealousy is a life-or-death situation. It isn’t.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Now that you have all the information you need, put it all into a neat pile. Stow it in a drawer next to your bed, and take a well-deserved nap. Dream it all into outline form, and wake up perfectly organized.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): “It is a happy talent to know how to play.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson) I know you want to take things seriously, but don’t. Meditate on kitten videos, or Cake Wrecks, or the time you used to always go out wearing a tiara and lots of glitter. (For the stars, that was our early twenties.)
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): To the Aquarius friend who brought me a Hello Kitty, dressed in a rainbow outfit and holding a cupcake as a “Pride Present” (!) I didn’t even know there was such a thing! I will find you a T-shirt that says “Queer Adjacent” and wrap it up in lots of femme-y ribbons. You are just that sweet.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You are better than a semifinalist, you are perfectly chosen. You’re every phrase’s dream come true, a fireworks for nouns and verbs, the big pack of sparklers. Look at all of your glittering!
Aries (March 21-April 18): “I’m through accepting limits/ ‘cause someone says they’re so/ some things cannot change/ but til’ I change, I’ll never know.” (Defying Gravity from Wicked) The stars are rooting for your every leap. We’re fairly sure you won’t end up a puddle, or steam.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “Let’s pretend we own the world today.” (Bikini Kill) Because of course you do! You are a charisma-fountain and a dream-catalyst and also just someone who’s pretty in love with the world you own. The stars can’t help but be delighted.