ack-episode of Polyamory Weekly that I was listening to on the way home from work, said something like this: "Submissives like to know exactly what's going on in a relationship, or they get very anxious." Oh. Maybe that explains some of my recent running away from guy friends in bars. Thank goodness I don't have to blame the whiskey.
Listening to the podcast is about all the poly that I'm going to be able to do for the next few weeks or so. I realized that I've really been trying to prove something to myself lately, that guys can love me, that I can get over so-and-so, that I can keep up with my less shy/ more casual friends. Trying to prove something is a terrible reason to try and get close to anyone, so I need to take care of myself until the irksome desperation can be overcome.
Also, "pretty ribbon handcuffs" is a fun thing to Google, especially when one is about to sit down to a zillion hours of homework.