Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Triads and Quadrangles: Six Epiphanies/Resolutions

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
 love what it loves.” (Mary Oliver, Wild Geese)

Last week, I was worrying over my poly learning curve: sorry boys, it can’t’ve been flattering to be compared to Intermediate Algebra, even if I do kinda like math these days. I thought that since I keep re-having the same epiphanies, I’d turn them into resolutions.

  1. This whole endeavor would be a lot easier if I could stop trying to prove to myself that I am lovable. Empirical evidence suggests that I am, and that really should be that. (Easier epiphanied than done, of course, but I’ll give it a whirl.)
  2. So far, the best gift of polyamory is the way that it has expanded my definition of friendship and brought me closer to my platonic pals—I feel so lucky to have so MANY people on whom to lavish affection.
  3. There’s nothing wrong or embarrassing about being crushy. I don’t know why I keep thinking there is. I think I just need to dance around to “Your Love Is My Drug” some more and keep embracing my inner Ke$ha.
  4. I’m pretty comfortable with the amount of attention I like (some to a lot) so I am going to stop calling myself needy. Not everyone can pay that much attention, and that’s okay, too. That’s why they invented other people.
  5. I will remember that this isn’t monogamy, so I don’t need one person to provide everything. That’s taken a lot of pressure off of my relationship with Amy, and it should take the pressure off my boy-wishes, too. Even though it’s sometimes frustrating, I do like practicing my grey-areas.
  6. It’s possible that I am an over-asker, but I would rather ask a lot of questions than worry or make assumptions. The one time I didn’t ask a question, things went pretty askew, so I intend to keep asking.
And here are the Pixies with a vote of confidence:

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