Well, the last few months' adventures were rewarding in so many ways. I've come a long way since I started this, um, research project. But opening up my heart so much in the past few months brought sadness with it, too. I'm mourning the years that I've spend being afraid of men and wasting lots of time on fruitless crushes. I'm realizing that unless I deal with my teenage past, I'm going to cause myself a lot more pain. I've spent the past few months feeling like both a healthy dirty-thirties woman and a desperate teenager. I feel so grateful to the guys who were my first-a-lot-of-things-in-a-while, and I'm still sorry to have had to let them go. For the next few months, I plan to focus on spending as much time in the poly and kink communities, making friends and settling into my various new identities. I think it'll be fun. also, I'm going to watch a lot of TV with my wife, which is more happy-making than most things.
A few of you might remember that I started this blog the year before last after leaving therapy in a huff--I felt like it was impossible to find a therapist who wouldn't try to cure me with pills and/or monogamy. Today I had an intake appointment with a practice that seems different. Their policy is one of cultural competency, and the woman who did the intake made me feel like I wasn't being steered or judged. They'll match me with a therapist within a few weeks, so we'll see how it goes. It would be nice to have some support through the various transitions. The goals I gave were:
1. To not be afraid of men.
2. To be more confident and less anxious.
Isn't that always the dream.
No comments:
Post a Comment