Monday, January 2, 2012

Triads and Quadrangles: Updates and Resolutions

I’ve come past a lot of thresholds since I last did a poly update. I’m starting the year off loved, and liked, and heartbroken. I still have Amy, who, though she only likes me, is probably the best person I know at being in a polyamorous relationship. She listens to me so much, asks for what she needs, soothes my hurts, and roots for the guys as long as they seem worthy. I also have an excellent snuggle pal with whom I am working my way through all of the Joel episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

But last week things got really extra-ugly with someone I really liked, and I had to give him up, so I am now recovering from my first poly breakup-type-thing. (I’m writing about some of the details elsewhere, email me at if you want to read them and I’ll tell you where.)

I’ve learned so much about myself in the past couple of months, and I wanted to commit it to writing before I move on to my next adventures.

  1. I will admit to myself that I cannot separate physical affection from emotional affection, and I will act accordingly. I do not need to learn this lesson any more times. I will let myself look for and enjoy real relationships.
  2. I will not compromise about communication. I need to feel free and unafraid to express my hopes, fears, needs, and wants, without being ignored or dismissed, and I only need folks who feel free to do the same.
  3. I will learn the difference between NRE (new relationship energy) and someone who just drives me nuts. I can’t spend any more time on guys who frequently make me cry.
  4. I will spend more time just hanging out with poly folks. This always makes me feel more safe, real, and lovable.
  5. I will put myself on the calendar. I have come such a long way in such a short time, and I need the space and time to process it.
  6. I will not waste (too much) time on crushes.
  7. I will let myself be liked and loved, and treat myself lovingly, too.
  8. I will leave my baggage behind. I am no longer afraid of men. I will be fine.
  9. I will learn not to yammer quite so much to Amy about boys. I will do a better job of honoring her space and time.
  10. I will not ignore warning signs as just me being distrustful. I am officially trustful, and I have a good intuition. I will listen to it.
  11. I will only date guys who communicate well, are genuinely interested in me as a person, are respectful of my time and of Amy, are kind and friendly. Also, they have to have their own apartment—that will help me to be kinder to Amy’s space and my own.

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