Friday, February 3, 2012
Triads and Quadrangles: Ohno, Did I Date the Beeper King?
Of course not. The dude I've been recovering from for the past month or so was mostly just an odd guy doing his best. No one gets all the blame for a good/bad match, some things just don't work out. And yet. I was watching a 30 Rock rerun the other day and when Dennis (who also plays Mayhem in those insurance commercials) entered a scene by calling Liz "Dummy" I felt a spark of recognition. Liz had dialed her ex in a fit of nostalgia brought on by a gas leak. He was smug about it until she explained that she wasn't nostalgic for him, she was nostalgic for a time when she could afford to make mistakes.
(Side note: early on, the guy told me he'd once spit iced tea on Girl Talk. The only way that that could've been more deal-breakery is if he'd spit on a unicorn.
When I first started dating last fall, I thought that being poly meant that I could be really flexible about the guys I dated. After all, I wasn't looking for a husband. But being in more than one relationship really means that I need to take better care of myself than maybe I would've when I was single. The amount of heartbreak-aftercare that Amy has performed in the last month is a testament to the strength of her love, but it also just kind of stinks.
Over the course of my adult life, I have gotten into the habit of breaking myself all the way down and building myself up from scratch. This year is the first year I've had a definite plan to fulfill, and I simply can't afford to spend time on things that drain me like that. Even things that are really good kissers.
There's still a little gasleak of feelings, I'll admit, and I do miss some stuff about him, especially the friendship element of our whatever-that-was, but all that I can do is go forward. I'ts inspiring, though, to think of the fact that I need to keep myself happy not just for me, but for the whole team. I'm going to do my best to take care of myself and keep healing. Team Jane, thank you. I know I'll make mistakes in the future and I'm sure this isn't my last heartbreak, but I'll do my best to honor your wonderfulness.