Poetic License Horoscope

(With thanks to The Academy of Natural Sciences, the TV show Work of Art, and a couple of other things.)

Cancer: (Happy birthday to my poetry-dad, Daniel McGinn!) I’m writing Cancer in Love Park today. The fountain in front of me is emphatic. The music behind me is pleasant. The air is full of mist and the temperature is perfect. This year, may everything good gush forth and fill the air.

Leo: I feel guilty whenever I go to a museum without you, but I always bring you a souvenir. Please accept this squashed penny with a squid on it, this Learn About Tropical Butterflies sticker book, this four-color pen.

Virgo: My power animal lately is a blue butterfly, and today, a Blue Morpho flew right at my face and fluttered around me for a long while. This is your luck, too, Virgo. All your fluttering, nectar-sipping, lantana-loving hopes are coming for you.

Libra: It’s an all-you-can eat buffet this week, Libra. Try everything, even those weird little squares of cake. Remember to still give your server a full tip, he or she keeps taking all of your dishes.

Scorpio: I’m here as your bad influence, Scorpio. Make one call too many. Sit in front of your screens for hours. Miss deadlines and forget the bills. It’ll all wait.

Sagittarius: If you knew the number of times people think to themselves “I love (your name here),” you could spend all of your extra worry-energy on art instead. Make us paper snowflakes shaped like our hearts, sing lullabies to your houseplants, write an opera starring your beautiful children and/or friends.

Capricorn: As I was reminded by an adorable light-up ocean-model today, the sea floor isn’t flat, but mountainous. Undersea mountains have their own special creatures. Do some underwater mountain climbing this week, and look for the intricate basket starfish!

Aquarius: Your word of the week is “bioluminescence.” You don’t have anything to worry about deep under the sea- the lights on you are camouflage to match the color of the ocean’s surface.

Pisces: I’m throwing a dance party, Pisces, and I hope you’ll come. Let’s shake it while we agree that yes, indeed, that girl is poison, throw our hands up in the matter of the apathetic. Whoomp, Pisces, there it is.

Aries: Before the passenger pigeon went extinct, they used to star in these incredibly elaborate meals at Wanamaker’s restaurant, huge towers of pigeon, all decked out in flame, more and more absurd in scale. Be exactly ten percent as decadent as that.

Taurus: This week on Work of Art, the artist were assigned to make a shocking piece of art. As much as I love Work of Art and would watch 12 hours a day of it if they had a live feed like Big Brother and the oil spill have, “Make something shocking.” is kind of an empty idea to start with. Be surprised by the subtle this week, Taurus. Fall for the unassuming.

Gemini: This week I was being my mom by getting into chats with total strangers at cash registers, and it kind of paid off: the girl who works at the art store knows Abdi from Work of Art. She says he’s super nice, double majored in art and religion, and he went to Penn. All this makes me want to root for him, but I still think his stuff is a little too literal.