Friday, November 19, 2010

Poetic License Horoscopes for Nov. 19-25

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): I was disappointed last week when Kanye West said he was sorry for saying “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” during that Katrina telethon, but nothing can unmake the art of that moment. He can no more apologize for that blurt than Andy Warhol can apologize for a can of soup.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): The Thanksgiving assignment from my (Unitarian) church this month is: Write down two blessings a day, one you gave and one you got. Corny advice, but then, the best things in life are often corny …

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Give yourself a sick day, even if you feel fine. Wrap up in blankets and watch a season or two of How I Met Your Mother. Live on apple sauce and soup. Relax.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): I highly recommend the anthology Other People’s Rejection Letters. It contains, among other things, a notice discharging one Mr. James Hendrix from the military. (You’ll never guess what he got caught doing!) Here’s to major mishaps that help you survive and make music.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Your favorite movie star will come to you in your dreams if you devote some time to fantasizing. Turn off your headphones on long bus rides and walks to the bank; make your synapses ready like a soft bed, like an invitation.

Aries (March 21-April 18): Last night we were watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I said “This is the Empire Strikes Back of the series,” then realized that most of the Potters are like Empire: Always missing pieces, always regrouping, always up against impossible odds, but (like you) always magic.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): My teen assistant at work is writing a paper about what he sees as a New World Order conspiracy within the hip-hop community. When he showed me Kanye’s Power video as evidence, I said the following: “The devil isn’t the only mythological creature with horns,” and “Maybe it’s not a fallen angel. Maybe it’s just sitting.”

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Misguided apologies may be in style, but check your lists anyway — any genuine sorries owed? Even maybe to yourself?

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Follow the words of Weezer, from their last good album: “I don’t wanna be an old man anymore/ It’s been a year or two since I was out on the floor/ Shaking booty, making sweet love all the night/ It’s time I got back to the good life.”

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Last week at the Philly Poetry Slam, the featured poets had a feud going about who’s cuter, otters or lions. They even had special hats. Be as cute as that!

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Elizabeth Bishop said: “I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,/ some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.” Try to mitigate the losing before it comes to that.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Yesterday I got not one but TWO mix CDs from a friend I’ve never actually met. To make me feel like even more of a millionaire, I recognized almost NONE of the songs. Hope that fate will bring you someone with the music collection not-quite opposite of yours.

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