Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Triads and Quadrangles: The Ethical Slut

I’ve been having such a nice time reading this, except for the triggery nature of the word slut itself. Other than that, it's one of the most sensible things I've ever read.



Here’s a mistake I have been making, in terms of guys, for five years or so, or maybe, in some ways, my whole adult life. I’m glad to learn ways to correct it:

“The important thing is to be aware of your needs and wants, so you can go about getting them met with full consciousness. If you pretend that you have no needs, for sex, for affection, for emotional support, you are lying to yourself, and you will wind up trying to get your needs met by indirect methods that won’t work very well…Do not commit yourself to a lifetime of hinting and hoping.”

And here’s something I think I understand intuitively, and have helped Amy learn over the years. I’m happy and validated to see it in print from the experts:

“Being able to ask for and receive reassurance and support is crucial. One of Janet’s partners used to request, when Janet was off to a joyously anticipated date with one of her other lovers, “Just tell me I don’t have anything to worry about.” Janet reports that it felt very good to know that he was willing to ask for reassurance when he needed it and that he trusted her to tell the truth about her feelings. If you imagine his feelings if he was insecure and didn’t ask for reassurance, you can see why it’s so important to get your needs met up front.”

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.