Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Happiness Project Wrap-Up

Happiness Project Wrap-Up

Ten Ways in Which Things Have Improved Since I Started The Happiness Project

  1. I’ve spent almost every day at work this school year feeling happy, safe, useful, and inspired. Last year when I left the scary job I would have never thought that was possible.
  2. For some reason, I never felt entitled to a role in the LGBTQ community. Through a potent and (mostly) proactive combination of research and love, I’ve found new ways to be at home. Philadelphia is a great place to be queer.
  3. I’ve gotten more publication and performance credits this year than any other year since I started writing poetry. This is due to resolutions, yes, but also because of some new and deepened poetry friendships. Being less lonely ftw, even if I still have a ways to go.
  4. Panic, anxiety, and social stress have been reduced by about 90%. Last spring, I didn’t feel like I deserved to walk into any given room, to be part of any given group, but so much of that has healed. I have to thank the friends who patiented me back into society.
  5. I’m FINALLY starting to realize that I don’t have to give up Amy in order to pursue other kinds of love. And also I’ve already got a MILLION other kinds of love anyway.
  6. It’s hit home that I have a different kind of heart. I’m glad of this, even in the midst of heartache.
  7. A lot of the arbitrary limits I’d placed on myself because of depression and grief and fear are dissolving or dissolved.
  8. I’m feeling more okay with being supersensitive, and I’m sometimes even able to bounce back quicker.
  9. I’ve come so far when it comes to trusting guys. I have. I do. And even at the times when I’ve felt disappointed or let down, I’m still alive, still safe, and that really counts for something. Crowns and riches to the brave guys who helped get me there.
  10. Most importantly: During the thick of depression, I hated my voice. A few weeks ago, a lady at church said that my singing voice is beautiful, that she was following me whenever she didn’t know the words. Whenever I get really sad, driving and singing almost always pulls me out of it. Sometimes when iTunes shuffles in my own CD, I let it play.

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