Poetic License Horoscopes for July 29-August 4

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): “Leave no stone unturned/In your quest to/disrupt a rock garden.” (Demetri Martin) Be as anti-Zen as you’d like, Leo. Make a mess out of every calm. Be uppity, overwhelming, and out of control.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Gaps in inspiration are scary like cliffs, but they aren’t cliffs, so don’t fall in. Soon enough a spark and glimmer, a new hot song in your head, a telephone full of love letters, or at least Xes and Os.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): It may be too hot now for this, but the stars like to picture you walking through the cool woods at twilight, maybe with a nice Virgo, just as the Narnian lamps come on, just as the fireflies start their amorous signaling.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “It takes a team of four horses to force the giant clam of the South Seas to yawn against its will. Every passive mollusk demonstrates the hidden vigor of introversion, the power that is contained in peace.” (Tom Robbins)

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): A mini tarot reading for you. The past: The (sensible) Emperor. The present: The Tower, but in a good way. The future: the Ten of Cups, a cup-city spilling over with wealth and friendship, a triumph just as soon as you arrive.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): From the way your children sing the bawdy songs of other families, I guess you’re connected forever, never alone no matter how often you travel, no matter how your mailbox sticks shut, you are all loved, you are always loved.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19) Meta-scope! To the Aquarius who said taking requests defeats the purpose of horoscopes: it never hurts to be honest about what you really want, even if you’re just wishing on the fake stars. Sing your dearest wishes loud and clear, dearest, like children practicing for a play, so that we have no choice but to hear and memorize them.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): I have a few Piscean requests for requited love, and let me let you in on a secret: that’s always your horoscope. Always lavished affection, always really specific love letters, always love is looking out the window at the pretty clouds and thinking of you.

Aries (March 21-April 18): “I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates, you’ve got a brand new key. I’m thinkin’ we should get together and try them out, you see…” (the stars like the Dollyrots’ cover of this adorasong) Whatever new cute things you are questing for, darling, they’re all yours, always, shiny and waiting.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Maybe we’ve been reading too much Tom Robbins, but the stars are imagining you a moon-themed wedding, silver as kissing to the clinking of glasses, sweet and shiny as candy wrappers. Be sure to register so we can buy you all of the magic bath towels and diaphanous sheets you never knew you wanted.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Like a busload of poets headed for the Slam Nationals, you are full of chi and feeling, you’re spitting swagger, ready to overflow and be all extra, to build rope-bridge connections with audience hearts. All the luck in the world to you!

Cancer (June 22-July 23): “Bring your buckets by the dozens, bring your nieces, bring your cousins, come put out the fire on us.” (Cold War Kids) Watch movies you’ve seen before in healing quiet. Listen to the sunlight in the back of your mind, let it glow your cells new again.