Thursday, August 4, 2011

Poetic License Horoscopes for Aug 5-11 (and lots of fireworks!)

Poetic License Horoscopes for August 5-11

Pardon us if this is too many fireworks. The stars are celebrating.

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): You are a perfect beach day, with warm, gentle water, lacy seaweed, blush-inducing sun, and long long swaths of reading time. You deserve your sweet rest.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): However loving you are, you’ve been known to envy your pretty sisters, especially their first place ribbons and neat merit badges. From this week on, your ice cream cone will be the exact same size, with exactly the same number of sprinkles. And when it isn’t, you’ll know enough to just laugh and send flowers.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Take a nice break and Tetris your life into place. Turn the falling blocks the right way ‘round and move them as deliberately as you can.  This is a week of peaceful building and cheerful music.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It may be time to rethink your “It’s Complicated” status. Sometimes, it just isn’t.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Your boldness will be rewarded in some lavishly practical way this week, so keep pushing. Send clear and impassioned propositions, pack your things for a fruitful city, or just throw some things out to make room for something delightful.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I like to imagine you on your adventures, Capricorn/unicorn, especially up on stages, under northeastern lights. They’re listening until their ears sprout flowers, until they want to mail you their children, until everyone who hears you is yours forever.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19) Last week on Weeds, my favorite non-Andy character returned. Be prepared to open the door to an equally riveting friend who might be a supplier of quips, or sparks, or anything else you might have the urge for.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): At summer camp this week we had a dance party, and that’s you—65 little children dancing their butts off to the Glee cast version of Firework, singing every word  until everyone’s ears are ringing with optimism, or just ringing. “Make ‘em go oh! oh! oh! as you shoot across the sky-y-y!”

Aries (March 21-April 18): Should you find yourself tangled in an avalanche of snuggles this week (and I think you will) breathe in enough love for the coming year. Hang on as tight as you can, dear, but do us a favor and don’t forget about the stars.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): At camp, we sometimes sing this chant: “Build the wall, build build the wall. Break the wall, break break the wall. Kick the wall, kick kick the wall. Whatever structures you’re given, whatever restrictions, remember that they are yours to festively dismantle, over and over and over again.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Look up the Rube Goldberg machine version of Ok Go’s This Too Shall Pass video. Think about the beautiful chain reactions that conspired to get you here, and than each domino, balloon-pop, and paint-splatter wholeheartedly and by hand.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): So it’s storming on the lake/ Little waves our bodies break/ There’s a fire going out,/ But there’s really nothing to the south / Swollen orange and light let through/ Your one piece swimmer stuck to you.” (Bon Iver, Calgary)

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