Friday, August 26, 2011

Poetic License Horoscopes for August 26-Sept 1




Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Happy birthday month Virgo! In the coming year, you’ll have all the mixed CDs, publication credits, nice walks, and kisses that you ever wanted. Rest up now, ‘cause it’s all coming.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): At long last, you’ve fallen in love with yourself. Hooray! Don’t let all the new relationship energy tempt you into isolation, though. Send out pretty threads of communication every so often, so the rest of the world won’t miss you too much.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “The heart is generous and capacious. The heart is far-reaching and all-inclusive. The heart can contain far-flung loves.”(Julia Cameron) Test the limits of your heart this week, Scorpio. See how many new kinds of affection you can discover, how many new relationship statuses you can invent.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): “And poetry, her ally in the service of the good. / As late as yesterday Nature celebrated their birth,/ The news was brought to the mountains by a unicorn and an echo./ Their friendship will be glorious, their time has no limit./ Their enemies have delivered themselves to destruction.” (Czeslav Milosz, Incantation) Every blessing on your adventures, dear Sagittarius.


Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): “The next time that someone tries to tell you that grammar isn’t glamorous, you can point out that grammar is a corrupt form of glamour. In the middle ages, grammar tended to mean learning in general, which to unlearned folk included the occult. By way of Scottish, the supposed magic-spell aspect of scholarship became glamour, as in, “cast the glamour over her.” (Roy Blount Jr.)

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): You are as generous as a kissing booth, sweet as a new bluebird tattoo, encouraging as a fortune cookie, lighthearted as party shoes. Thank you.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): In Ready Player One, as IRL, characters use avatar design as a way of overcoming the limitations places on them by oppression, prejudice, and, well, gravity, but also to hide parts of themselves that they don’t like. My dear Pisces, if you could design yourself as anything, make it exactly what you are, which is beautiful.

Aries (March 21-April 18): “I’m not unfaithful but I’ll stray.” (Tegan and Sara, Back in Your Head) Stick with the ones who love you for it, darling, and tell everyone else to fuck off. Fifty points for every brave and honest snuggle, and redeem your points for absolutely every prize.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Check your calendar for parties that celebrate love poems, or just poems, or just love. RSVP yes and be rewarded with cupcakes, overdue hugs, dancing, and other nice treats.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Please Google “Ok Go and the Muppets” and delight in what you find there. I can’t think of any better happiness advice.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): “I will come to you/ when you step outside/ into the breathing world/ where it just rained.” (Daniel McGinn) No matter what hurricane weekend is ahead of you, batten yourself in with your library books until it eases up, then go inhale your enlightenment.

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): I have been asking my wife to take a proper lunch at work for nearly a decade but she always eats at her desk, with customers still bugging her. So imagine my surprise this week, when she wished for a real lunch break. Sit outside with her, looking at the sky or Scrabble. Eat in peace.

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