Poetic License Horoscope for March 4-10

 ***I'm excited to announce that the horoscopes have another new home this week: Apiary! Thanks to Lillian  and the rest of the beautifuls over there for always including me in their fun.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Things to do while you’re waiting for the next season of Portlandia: Memorize famous bridges. Send lavish bouquets to Aimee Mann. Listen to Sleater-Kinney records backwards, for the hidden messages. Remember your mantra: Put birds on things. Put birds on things. Put birds on things.


Aries (March 21-April 18): The stars told me to tell you that Ira Glass is your guardian angel. He watches over everything you do, asking thoughtful questions and moving the story forward in such a patient, soothing voice.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “The sum of all known reverence I add up in you whoever you are.” (Walt Whitman) Etch that into your mirror, paint it on your coffee cups, write it in the middle of your palms for luck.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): I like Steve Carell’s character in Dinner for Schmucks. He loves his ex-wife so much that he makes her a whole parkscape diorama. Peopled with little dressed-up taxidermied mice, but still, endearing!

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Dress optimistically, even if it means your ears might get cold. Show your faith with just-light-enough sweaters. Believe it’s warm out until you touch the window pane.

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Last night as I was snuggled up, reading in bed with my sweetie, she with her Wonder Woman graphic novel and I with my Bitch magazine, I thought, “This is exactly what I always hoped for.” Be prepared for similarly snuggly revelations.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “Love the music our beatbox bodies loop over sunrises. /Love the soft spots we leave for each other.”(Elliott D. Smith) The whole Universe is waking up next to you, blinking its eyes, with swoony thoughts and fancy plans.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Last week when I was freaking out about an upcoming math test, my tutor pal came over to help me. Even though he only stayed for an hour and most of that hour was spent on gossip, he helped me to improve my score by 14 questions worth of points. Someone’s waiting to work that kind of magic for you.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Hooray for Barb on Big Love! She’s realizing that she can have access to the divine without a man’s intercession! Sister-wife, listen more to your inner Margene, and less to your inner Nicki.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22):Last time my nephew Holden visited, he was very, very disappointed that he could not give a cheeseburger to either of our cats. But as for you, in the words of T.I. as paraphrased by Lolcats: you can haz whatever you like.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I unsubscribed to my previously favorite podcast after the host made me cry on Twitter. Maybe we don’t need to interact with everything we love, or maybe we just have to keep trying. #stillalittlebrokenhearted

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Like a ghost in a library, you have access to everything, but need help turning the pages. What little winds can come along and flutter you forward? Maybe an Aries can lend you her guardian angel?

Poetic License Horoscopes is a free syndicated series which appears weekly on such lit blogs as The Serotonin Factory, Critical Mass and The Legendary and Apiary If you are interested in adding the Poetic License Horoscopes to your lit journal / lit blog, please email me at serotoninfactory@gmail.com.

Spring Fever Mix Tape: Poetic License Horoscopes

***This week's springtastic picture comes from my sister, Katie Carter, who is my favorite photographer!***

Poetic License Horoscope for February 18-24

Spring Fever Mix Tape


Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Write About Love (Belle and Sebastian): Whatever cubicle nightmare is glitter-hazing your head, your heart needs some fresh air. Go outside and get sunbeams on your face. Map the snowmelt rivers, or better yet, follow them.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): (Portland, Oregon) You’re My Home (Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen): “We’re so thankful for everything we’ve got, and we’re so sorry for everything we’re not.” Except that you never have to apologize. Your heart is as bountiful as a Portland food truck. You are the opposite of an ironic mustache. Like the Rose City, your aim is true.

Aries (March 21-April 18): The Cave (Mumford and Sons): “The sun, it rises slowly as you walk/ Away from all the fears/ And all the faults you've left behind.” You are now leaving Plato’s cave. Things aren’t shadows anymore, they’re three-dimensional.


Taurus (April 19-May 18): Firework (Glee Cast Version): Everyone has come to the field and spread out their blankets as the blue fades from the sky and the stars appear. They’re waiting for you with a soundtrack of sighs. You are only for special occasions, only for glimmering across their upturned faces.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): The Suburbs (Arcade Fire): Things may seem end-of-the-worldy, but a lot of it plans to stick around, I promise. Ride bikes around like little kids. Take out your camera and record every angle of your living sight. Have faith in the horizon, and even in the cul-de-sac.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Animal (Miike Snow): You shapeshifter, mixing your signals, fading in and out like a pulse. You can decide what you are on any highway. “Now you’re pulling your disguise up. Are you free or are you tied up?”

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Home (LCD Soundsystem) and Home (The Magnetic Zeroes): Get there and stay there, or carry it with you. Everything you hope for is stacked up around your ears. Remember your best friend is your breath, and most importantly: come back, come back, come back.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): El Scorcho (Weezer): Somebody is always reading your diary, decoding the heart-doodles in the margins. Follow love with or without mistranslation, whether or not you are even legible. Send out sparks like homing beacons, it’s okay for now, the waiting.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): You Can Do It (Ice Cube): You are my very own living room dance party, and this is encouragement you can trust. “Don’t stop, git it git it.” You will.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22):  Touch the Sky (Kanye West): “Any pessimists I ain't talked to them,/Plus, I ain't have no phone in my apartment.” Feel free to be oblivious to anything that might hold you back. Pull out all of your household wires if necessary.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Born this Way (Lady Gaga): It doesn’t matter if you were born this way or not—the you that you are creating out of the materials given (hardship, music, TV shows, imaginary limits) is so perfect that it is too beautiful to look at. Get yourself to a disco ball, and refract all over the place.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Awake my Soul (Mumford and Sons)  “How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes/ I struggle to find any truth in your lies/ And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know/ This weakness I feel I must finally show/ Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all/ But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall/ Lend me your eyes I can change what you see/ But your soul you must keep, totally free”

Poetic License Horoscopes is a free syndicated series which appears weekly on such lit blogs as The Serotonin Factory, Critical Mass  and The Legendary If you are interested in adding Poetic License Horoscopes to your lit journal / lit blog, please email me at serotoninfactory@gmail.com.

Also This Song: More Portlandia

"We're so thankful, for everything we've got. And we're so sorry for everything we're not."