Friday, November 26, 2010

Poetic License Horoscopes for Nov 26-Dec 2

(Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Happy Birthday Month! Your celebratory quote comes from Leonard Cohen: “Once your life is organized so beautifully that there’s a table, and a chair, and a typewriter, that already is an incredible triumph.”

(Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One is pretty bleak, but you can enjoy it more by 1) enjoying all of the beautiful landscapes, and 2) remembering all of the badassery to come.

(Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Dear Lost Friend: I don’t know if you still read these, but if you do: I still think of you every time I hear Belle and Sebastian’s song, Wrapped Up in Books, AKA the song on the set list that you didn’t play. I still have the set list, too.

(Feb. 20-March 20): A Scrabble Blessing: May you know all of your two-letter words, as well as the “q-with-no-u”s. May you never end up with all vowels or all consonants. May your seven letters spell one word, every time, and may you have someplace to put each one. Amen.

Aries (March 21-April 18): When Liz Lemon experiences a small victory, she says that she’s “high-fiving a million angels!” Prepare to have just that much to celebrate.

(April 19-May 18): Make like the “Tons of Fucking Sequins” guy. (Google it.) Load up your arms with something decadent and swear exultantly about it for all to hear.

(May 19-June 21): “You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant/ Excepting Alice/ You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant /Walk right in it’s around the back/ Just a half a mile from the railroad track/You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant.” —Arlo Guthrie

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Replace all of your self-portraits with cels from your favorite cartoons. You’re almost a Care Bear anyway, so just go ahead and make the leap.

(July 24-Aug. 23: “If you have ever gone into the woods with me, I must love you very much.”—Mary Oliver. Grab someone brilliant and beautiful and go watch the last leaves.

(Aug. 24-Sept. 23): While everyone’s out starting their holiday shopping, stay home and repair what you already have; sew buttons on neglected pants, dust hard-to-reach places, back up your files. Soon you’ll need all of your energy for stringing lights.

(Sept. 24-Oct. 21): One of my favorite family-weekend traditions is after-dinner Mario Kart. Do something that makes you laugh hysterically and fall off imaginary rope bridges: 3! 2! 1! GO!

(Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “What a beautiful face/I have found in this place/That is circling all round’ the sun/And when we meet on a cloud/I’ll be laughing out loud/I’ll be laughing with everyone I see/Can’t believe how strange it is to be anything at all.”—Neutral Milk Hotel

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